Hello again readers, B@tgirl here. Sorry I missed Sunday; I’ll be honest, it was my husband’s birthday and I completely forgot. However I am updating today for two reasons: 1- I loathe to let you down and 2- I’m terrified that Kspaz will hit me in the face with a 2x4 should I miss a post. I hate splinters. So here we go; my review of (duh duh dunnnnn)

Batman: Terror

(Spoilers as usual, also foul language)

The beginning starts out thrilling enough as we watch “Batman” kill a man in his sleep and draw a bloody bat upon the wall. At this point I openly let out a “What the fuck?!” only to turn the page and find out that it was Dr. Strange. Maybe the whole dressing like the Bat thing has been done before, but this felt somehow original and far more terrifying and I was excited as to what would happen.

My main problem with the comic was Jonathan Crane, now don’t get me wrong, he is one of my favorite villains, but his character was a very weak one in this comic. His mind is completely broken in the Arkham cell when Dr. Strange tries to rehab him into evil again, all the while slowly stocking him up on straw, and while this is interesting, I as a Scarecrow fan am not buying it. One of the wonderful things (I use wonderful as a loose term here) about the best villains of the Batman universe is that they are secure in their Psychopathic ideals, they do not wane in their shared hatred of Batman, just as they do not ebb in their psychotic delusions of righteousness and self importance. This is one of the things I love most about the portrayal of the villains, the realistic way in which they are presented as pure psychos. So you can see why I am upset with the fact that they depicted the Scarecrow as a simpering school girl ready to follow the orders of Dr. Strange. But back to the story…

Scarecrow breaks out with Dr. Strange’s help and we get a glimpse of what made Jonathan Crane become the Scarecrow, and while not my favorite, it serves it purpose. Strange inhabits the house of the stranger he killed all the while Scarecrow is biding his time by placing traps around the house.

Meanwhile we find that Dr. Strange has not only broken into Wayne Manor, but has tied Alfred to a chair and left a message for Batman in the dummy or Strange’s likeness. A little bit hard to believe since we have seen Alfred kick ass many times, even in the early days of Batman, but whatever.

Later in the house we find that Scarecrow has not only attacked Strange in his sleep, he has drugged him, given chase and lead him to his doom as Strange is impaled upon a weathervane, left to die a slow painful death. Now that’s the Scarecrow I know and love! So Scarecrow takes the house and Strange is out of the picture, which is just as well because at this point in the story it is getting a bit confusing and hard to keep up with.

It is halfway through the comic and as the reader; I’m not entirely sure where this comic is going to end up, since Strange is dead. So you can imagine my wonder when Scarecrow captures Catwoman and blackmails her with photos of her demasking all to get her to bring him Batman. I personally don’t think he would have had to go through all of that trouble had he simply played his cards right, but whatever. So Catwoman leads him into an alley way as Scarecrow beheads a man, who is hung upside-down and dosed with fear toxin, with a scythe. Have I mentioned how much I love Scarecrow? Anyway, plot ensues as Catwoman and Batman temporarily team up to bring down Scarecrow, in a few days time. Meanwhile we get the rare treat of seeing Bruce visit his parent’s graves, looking just a little too eighties for my comfort, especially seeing as this was written in 2001. But enough complaining. We cut to the storyline of Scarecrow torturing two victims, victims who turn out to be some of the bullies we saw in his flashback earlier in the comic. I can’t say that I saw this coming because I was hoping for something a bit more left field, as this rest of the comic has proven to be. From here on out the comic becomes a slope of sheer predictability. Batman and Catwoman arrive; Batman tries to save the bullies while accidently falling into the pit where Strange is, dragging Scarecrow along with him and the prisoners, Catwoman is off burning the photos of her face. A little bending of the rules of Physics and Batman and everyone else escape in an explosion, along with a strangely alive…Strange. Unfortunately he was washed away into the lake surrounding the house so, yet again, no one is sure if he is alive or dead. Sigh. The comic ends with a predicable dialogue, filled with sexual tension of course, between our main character and Catwoman, and one last witty remark.

Overall the Comic wasn’t bad. I’ve read worse, but I have also read better. I was really taken in by the complex, yet sometimes confusing, plot of the first half but unfortunately the second half did not live up to the expectations and hopes that the first half had readied me for. Batman: Terror gets about a 3/5.

Alchemehdia : Nook Look

A Geeks Guide to Sports: The Confederations Cup

What's a confederation? Excellent question, a confederation is like a continental group that is made up of the countries' soccer teams. In most places they share the same boundaries as the continent.

A few notable exceptions are:

Russia is a part of Europe's confederation UEFA, (so are Israel, Georgia, Armenia, Kazakhstan, and Azerbaijan. I would could all of these as Asia, but there is a reason. )

Australia plays in the AFC, Asia's confederation (they moved after 2006)

Now that you know what a Confederation is what's the Confederations Cup? This is the tournament that is a dry run for the World Cup. It is held a year before the World Cup in the same country, and in the same stadiums (stadia if your a Roman).

It is between the champions of all 6 confederations plus the host of the next World Cup and the champion of the last World Cup. Meaning that Brazil and Spain are already know they'll be there and by noon our time (Central time) Asia's (AFC's) representative will be picked, and  North and South America (CONCACAF and CONMEBOL respectively) will have their representatives' picked by summer. Africa (CAF), Europe (UEFA), and Oceania (OFC) will be holding their championship tournaments in 2012.

If Spain was to win the UEFA championship or Brazil the CONMEBOL championship the 2nd place team would get to come as well.

But the real reason I like this tournament is that when America gets in, we scare teams. In 2009 we got passed the group stage and knocked out Spain (their first loss since 2006), we then led Brazil 2-0 at half time. We later lost 3-2, but we took on the world and nearly succeeded.

UPDATE: Japan won the Asian Cup. So now we know 3 of the contenders.

Flick Picks, the Fourth

Today, I bring you to a movie that, for the most part, is hated by the public as being unfunny, weird, cliche-ridden, confusing, and just downright bad. This film won the Razzie awards for Worst Picture, Director, and Screenplay in 1992, and was nominated for Worst Actor, Supporting Actor, and Supporting Actress. Because of those, it was nominated for Worst Film of the Decade for the Razzies in 2000. The Razzies, by the way, for those unfamiliar with the term, come from The Golden Raspberry Awards, a ceremony started in 1982, to preface the Oscars as a sendup and mocking of the worst cinema of the year. This film almost killed Bruce Willis' career with it's terrible returns at the box office, terrible ad campaign, and atrocious press, mainly about production woes, cost and shooting overruns, scheduling problems leading to recasts, script rewrites, just about anything that could go wrong, did go wrong with this film. And I love it. The film is marketed as an action film, due to Bruce Willis starring in it, but in reality, is more like an action comedy spoof of the adventure genre, called Hudson Hawk. And yeah, SPOILERS!

First off, I truly believe that 90% of the people that hate this movie were expecting something else. Something more like Die Hard 2, released a year prior, or The Last Boy Scout, released just after Hawk, in the same year. More action, less quips, easy sight gags and explosions, because, let's face it, other than ABC's Television show Moonlighting, for which Willis became known just before he filmed the first Die Hard, he hadn't really shown us he could anything other than play a down on his luck palooka who happens to be really good at killing terrorist threats, both foreign and domestic. So when a film starring him came out, that had him on screen, that had more to do with Look Who's Talking, where he played the internal monologue of baby Mikey, and had elements of 1984's Romancing The Stone, the classic action comedy starring Micheal Douglas and Kathleen Turner, most of the movie going public wasn't sure what to make of it. When the film starting going out of it's way to be clever, with tons of in-jokes, running gags, and to top it off, musical numbers, everybody thought they had bought the wrong ticket, and decided the film was bad.

But, if I was to be honest, I just don't care about all that. I watch this film every time I can, it always makes me feel better, regardless of the mood I'm in, and while I notice the flaws, they are really far fewer than most people who watch this film would let on. First of all, I shall talk about the sets, as the film opens and closes in Italy, specifically a castle in the Roman countryside, where Leonardo Da Vinci lived and worked. The sets for the film are very well done, every building and statue showing culture, and are appropriately dated, giving a true sense of weight and existence to the proceedings. The places seem real, whether or not the action does.

The Music is good, too. While in most places being traditional action fare, it does the job it's written for underscoring moments of tension and levity alike, without bogging down the rest of the film. The two musicals numbers, one early on in the film, one near the end, are really well done when you consider the nature of the beast, in that here it was done as a completely tongue in cheek gesture, meant to be over the top. The Plot follows the same surreal bent, being that the villains have a very James Bond-esque scheme, but instead of a dapper, classy British spy, we get a confused, classy, cat burglar from Hoboken, New Jersey. Everything about this film screams, "please don't take me seriously! I'm just here for laughs!"

With that in mind, this film is actually rather dialogue driven, mostly being witty banter between Bruce Willis and whoever else happens to be onscreen with him at the time, usually Danny Aiello. All of the performances here are good, in that they are what was called for by the script, at that was to overact like hell. Everybody in the film has to take their performance to at least a 9, with a few standout 11s among the main cast.

Bruce Willis here is basically asked to turn John Maclaine into a joke by playing Eddie "Hudson Hawk" Hawkins the "world's greatest cat burglar". And he does. Here he plays counter to the straight-laced hero type he'd been known for, basically being the audience in some instances by asking just what was going on. He comes of as slick, charming and lucky enough to root for when the chips are down. His character is out dated on purpose, using low tech means like skateboards and pocket fishermen to fool the latest security systems, and singing show tunes to time the heists.

His partner, Tommy Five-Tone, is played very well by Danny Aiello. He is the perfect partner, playing off Bruce Willis well. The buddy vibe is really well done, the glib banter between them is excellent. This character is kind of an in-joke, kind of a homage, his light hearted playfulness being in stark contrast to darker, grittier character he played in The Godfather Part II, and Once Upon a Time in America.

The female lead in this film is played very well by Andie Macdowell. While she was the third choice, her inclusion in this film is wonderful, and more appropriate. The first two (Isabella Rosselini, and Maruschka Detmers), while great actresses in their own right( I'm assuming on Detmers part, as I haven't actually seen anything she's in), would have been better for spoofs of a more conventional sort, more akin to Hitchcock as opposed to Bond. Macdowell, here, was perfect, playing a character joke to her roles in sex, lies and videotape, and St. Elmo's Fire, by playing a flirty, Vatican spy... as in an undercover nun. Funny, funny, funny.

James Coburn is in this film as a lead agent in the CIA, George Kaplan. Those who immediately remembered that George Kaplan was the name of the fake agent from the Hitchcock movie, North by Northwest, congratulations, you noticed another of the film's in jokes, take a shot. (I'll turn this thing into a drinking game if it kills me.) Here he is, like everyone else, over the top, cheesy, and oh so vaguely EBIL. Like most of the film's villains, his evil is more of a greedy, money-grubbing type, who last words bemoan not his family, missed opportunities, or the like, but the fact that he'll never receive his pension.

Richard E. Grant and Sandra Bernhard play the main villains of the piece, Darwin and Minerva Mayflower. Rich, entitled business owners who only hunger for one thing: world domination. And they set about doing through economics, and a plan to flood the world market with gold made by a machine invented by, wait for it, Leonardo Da Vinci. They are a high point of the movie, as their performances come off as some of the most over the top bad guys in recent years. Which is really something, as Sandra Bernhard went on to play side character in Roseanne and Hercules, and Richard E. Grant is still mostly known for playing hero types on his native British television. Their butler, Alfred, is played decently enough by another British TV star, Donald Burton. Not much to say about him, as he doesn't have that much screen time, but it is a decent henchman for a film like this, the spoof quality coming out in his ability to fight with knives hidden in devices in his sleeves.

The other CIA agents round out the rest of cast that has anything more than a cameo, and while a few of their jokes fall flat, they still are good henchman. Their are four of them named Snickers, Almond Joy, Kit Kat, and Butterfinger. Each in turn are decent enough, the main comic relief of the group being Butterfinger. Snickers is played by Don Harvey, whose only claim to fame is being a side character in just about every war film made in his lifetime. Almond Joy, in turn, is played by Louise Toussaint, who after playing a side part opposite Annie Potts in Dangerous Minds in 1995, made a name for herself in TV as well, most notably Saving Grace and Friday Night Lights. Kit Kat, well, he's played by the ever gimmicky David Caruso, here given a personality trait in that he is mute, and he mimicks other people and things through out the film. Caruso, as most people should know, has become relevant again due to his being part of CSI franchise of shows, in this case, CSI: Miami. Butterfinger is played by perennial tough guy Andrew Bryniarski, who was known at the time for bit parts in TV and films, but now is known for being Leatherface in the recent Texas Chainsaw Massacre reboot and sequels. Also, on a much cooler, geekier note, he played Lobo in The Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special. Look it up, Hilarious stuff.

Two other bits of note here, is a cameo by Frank Stallone as part of the Mario Brothers(hey, Nintendo was relevant, and topical!), a mafia family that is part of the Mayflower's plot, and a Narrator, who lends voiceover to the opening and closing moments of the film, played by William Conrad, a hardworking actor whose career spans decades, but the only reason I know him is because I watched a cop show he starred in during the 90s, Jake and the Fatman.

Now as I said before, this film is a spoof of sorts. The special effects for some of the explosions are obviously dummies, not even well hidden ones, the bad guys have tons of device straight out of Bond movie written by a ten year old, more spies and agents then you can shake a martini at, transitional shots that seem almost cartoony in their setup, and running gags in the form the main character not knowing what Nintendo is, and wanting a cappuccino. And all of it is on purpose, so do yourself a favor. Go grab this film. It been out on DVD for a while now, so you should be able to rent it, or pick it up cheap. If you go knowing it's a spoof of adventure films, rather than an out-n-out action flick, you should be happily surprised by how much you enjoy it.

A Geeks Guide to Sports: The World Cup

If you follow soccer, even as a casual fan, then you know of the World Cup. The event once every 4 years where 32 nations decide who is the best at soccer.

It's not time yet for another one, but I figured I should explain how the premier international soccer tournament works before moving on to the weirder ones.

The World Cup is started with a group stage where 4 teams play each other once (meaning each team plays 3 games), the 2 teams with the best record after these 4 games moves on to the next round. (Ties are settled by goal differential and who has more goals scored if GD is the same.) What's weird about the World Cup is that the dates and times for the games are chosen before the teams are even known. It's a fair way to decide who plays when but I think it's one of the practices that scares off the big American sports corporations. A sport where you can't make the schedule to favor the more popular teams? Scandalous!

America wins their group in 2010. (1st time since 1930)

The group stage has three games played a day (i.e. two games from Group A one game from Group B, the next day: one game from Group B, two games from Group C) except for in the third games. The third games are 4 to a day. (all teams from Group A and B one day, the next all teams in Group C and D play.) This is because of the infamous match in 1982 between Austria and Germany. In this match Austria and Germany were the last match in the group, and they knew they could both get through if German only won by one or two goals, so after an early goal by Germany, both teams played a game of pass. There have been other examples but this is the most famous.

After the group stage the knockout rounds begins the winner of one group plays the runner up of the group next door. In 2010 it was America (winners of Group C) vs Ghana (runner-up of Group D), and England (runner up of Group C) vs Germany (winners of Group D). This winner advances, loser goes home format continues until the semi-finals. The final four teams are guaranteed to get to play two final matches. The two losers play for 3rd place. A quick note only two teams from outside of Europe and South America have ever been in the final four. They are America in 1930 (third place) and South Korea in 2002 (Fourth Place). The furthest an African team has ever gotten is the quarter-finals (3 times all since 1990), although Ghana last year was denied getting into the final four by a hand ball from Uruguay. Oceania has only had one representative get out of the group stage. (Australia was this one representative in 2006, this was also the last year they were in Oceania, they now play as part of Asia.)

There have only been 8 different champions in the 19 World Cups that have been staged. 5 for Brazil, 4 for Italy, 3 for Germany, 2 for Argentina and Uruguay, 1 for England, France, and Spain.

The World cup will next be in Brazil in 2014. Then in Russia in 2018, and Qatar in 2022 (You've probably heard me complain quite a bit about this one).

Now for a weird bit of history the FIFA World Cup (on the left) is not the first trophy given out to the victor. The Jules Rimet trophy (on the right) was the original award. And was given (as in to keep) to the first team to win the tournament 3 times. This was Brazil. After this two things happened. A) A new trophy was designed for the victors (it's current incarnation) and B) The trophy was stolen from the Brazilian Football Association. There are two theories as to it's where abouts. One says that thieves melted it down. The other says that a drug lord has it sitting in his office. Not to mention this little statue survived World War II in a shoe box. And was stolen in 1966 and rescued by a dog named Pickles who dug it up from under a tree. I hope for the drug lord theory it be a shame for such a weird history to come to an end just to be melted down to a gold bar.

Well hope this helped it's not really as hard to understand as the Champions League set up, but I think it's probably the one people are most likely to encounter when getting interested in the sport. Plus being an American means you've more then likely already have two teams you can cheer for. First team USA, 2nd the land your ancestors came from. I cheer for Germany not just because both sides of my family have roots there but because I lived over there and it's where I discovered the game. Have fun hopefully we can look forward to a great 2014 for all our teams.

Forgotten Worlds: Androids and Machineguns!

Dude, The Terminator totally got it right: robots will rise up to destroy the human race.  Fortunately, there is something we can do about it.  In the mid-to-late '90s, arcades everywhere armed kids and young adults with hefty, plastic light guns and enlisted them in the fight against robo-terrorism.  I'm talking about Sega's frenzied shooters Gunblade NY and LA Machineguns.

Gunblade NY came out in 1995 and, while it may have been a bit overshadowed by Time Crisis that same year, it was a unique light gun game that attracted many arcade goers.  Of course, there have been a plethora of arcade games that used cabinet mounted machine guns before this: Taito's Operation Wolf series and Space Gun (one of my favorites), Namco's Steel Gunner series (another of my favorites), and Midway's Revolution X and, yes, Terminator 2, to name a few.  However, Gunblade NY did a couple of things differently that set it apart from the others.

First, there's the cabinet design.  If you look at the picture above (which is a pic of LA Machineguns, I know, but Gunblade NY did the same thing), you'll notice those light guns are pretty hefty looking.  Previous machine gun games had you holding this small, one-handed, uzi-type gun or something similar to that.  You had to hunch over the arcade cabinet and hold your face close to the gun in order to play.  But the guns on Gunblade NY and LA Machineguns meant business.  They were designed to be held in both hands, comfortably, at the waist, which felt more natural.  The gun design was awesome, with a nice, weighty feel and a heavy recoil.  These games let you know that you weren't playing with some tiny pea shooter.  You were taking out the androids with a heavy duty cannon.

The other thing these games did differently to their predecessors is their use of polygonal 3D environments.  Previous light gun games relied on simple forward and side-scrolling levels with enemies just popping out into the line of fire.  Gunblade NY took the same technology that fueled 1994's Virtua Cop, along with other titles in the Virtua series, and created something that had much more dynamic action.  Enemies would actually dodge and weave through gunfire, requiring players to keep a bead on them in order to take them down.  Your vehicle, either Gunblade NY's attack helicopter or LA Machineguns' hoverbikes, took tight corners, made strafing runs, and stopped on a dime as they flew over, under, and through each city.



Of course, these games have their slight differences, being that Gunblade NY was released in '95 and LA Machineguns in '98, but they're mostly cosmetic.  The gap in graphics between these two is about the same as the gap between Virtua Fighter 2 and Virtua Fighter 3 (if you've ever seen those games).  LA Machineguns looks nicer than Gunblade NY, but both of them definitely look dated, by today's standards.  This isn't to say that they look horrible.  Both of them look significantly better than the original Virtua Fighter, which may be one of the ugliest arcade games of the '90s.  The only other difference is how the enemies act.  In Gunblade NY, androids do lots of crazy acrobatics, trying to dodge your gunfire.  In LA Machineguns, they don't flip out of the way as much, which makes it a little easier to hit them.  Both games are very short and have been known for being a bit too easy.  Still, dropping a couple quarters to wield a metal blasting cannon never gets old.

Last year, Sega released both of these games in a collection for the Wii.  Of course, the question is whether or not these games still hold up without the feel of a big honking gun in your hands.  Actually, the answer is yes.  While the Wiimote is no substitute for the arcade feel, the gameplay is still just as fun.  The collection doesn't add much extra stuff to the games, with the exception of alternate fire modes, like rapid fire, after you beat the game a couple times.  Other than that, it's a pretty straightforward port of these two arcade games.  You can pick up the collection for real cheap (usually around $20, but my wife found a copy for me at Costco for $10).  If you have a Wii and fondly remember shooting up android terrorists, you won't regret getting this collection.

Until next time, keep your scores high and your pockets full.

(The YouTube video above was created by lucisac).

Ginger, on comics: ElfQuest

Book 1: Journey to Sorrow's End

I'm really gonna let my geek flag fly here guys - don't be alarmed. One of the staples of geek culture is comic books, and when most people think of comic books the first thing that comes to mind is superheros and the epic battles against villainy. But what do I think of? Epic adventure and ... battles against villainy. I guess I just have a thing against superheros. Anyways, what I'm referring to is a comic book series that I hold dear to my heart; it's called ElfQuest and it's a fantasy adventure story that follows the lives of a tribe of elves, the Wolfriders.

Originally released in 1978, ElfQuest was created and self-published by husband and wife team, Richard and Wendy Pini. Over the years, Elfquest has also been published by Mavel Comics, the Pini's company Warp Graphics, and more recently DC comics (currently the ElfQuest title is back under Warp Graphics again, though the Pinis have moved on to other projects). After 25 years of self publishing, I guess it's ok to sign over all publishing and merchandising rights to a major comic corporation like DC even though they hacked the original art to bits and re-ordered it: One of DC's first moves was to republish the original eight graphic novels with new computer coloring and lettering. There were also a lot of spin offs when DC took hold with new elf tribes, story lines and a bunch of other junk (like rumors of a movie which, thank goodness, fizzled). There was also a surprising lack of promotion for the series. It seems DC just didn't bring their A-Game for this venture. So, I guess after all that you can tell that for me ElfQuest is (and will always be) the original 8 graphic novels.

Now, getting to the comic itself, I said that this was the story of the Wolfrider tribe and for the most part that's true. But it's also about a lot of other fictional species (like trolls and faeries) and how they struggle to survive and co-exist on a primitive Earth-like planet, and the spread of humans into this world is terrifying. I won't get into my views of humanity here, but the first tiny section of this series defiantly show cases the darker side of us: our fear of the unknown, our need to dominate the world around us, and our capacity to hate. While human's villain role isn't prominent though the whole story, they are the catalyst that gets the story moving.

The Wolfriders

Now, in the original series there are four elf civilizations (all descended from the original High Ones who came to the planet Abode -The World of Two Moons - long, long ago). The Wolfriders are the central characters, and they are a tribe of ferocious hunter/warriors closely allied with a pack of large wolves who serve as mounts, hunting partners and friends. Their culture could roughly be compared to the Iroquois.The central storyline, beginning with series know as the Grand Quest or Original Quest, focuses on the tribe during the leadership of their eleventh chief Cutter. I don't want to ruin anything for you guys, so that's all I'll tell you about them, but eventually they meet our next elves, The Sun Folk.

The Sun Folk

The Sun Folk are a peaceful, sedimentary tribe who have, compared to the Wolfriders, retained more knowledge of their origins and abilities. They are also much more civilized and ... for lack of a better word, advanced. The Sun Folk are headed by the female elf Savah, Mother of Memory - who is actually pretty close to being a High One herself.

The Gilders

The third tribe we encounter are The Gliders. The Gilders are a reclusive tribe of mountain dwellers with the ability to levitate. They are a very conservative community that has lost the ability to reproduce and has degenerated into insular decadence. In my opinion, The Gliders have evolved into a cruel, somewhat insane people who are dominated by their leaders: The ancient Lord Voll and the seductive, sinister Winnowill.

The Go-Backs

The fourth and final tribe are the Go-Backs. Originally a migrating tribe, the Go-Backs are named for their sudden desire to "go back" to the palace of the High Ones. The are a very warlike people who are hardened by their existence in the bleak, snow bound tundra. They have a prejudice against magic, though they share strong bonds with their elks (similar to the Wolfrider's bonds to their wolves - In my opinion, a type of magic). Their conservatism, savagery, and selfishness are emphasized later while at the same time their artistic depiction changed to make them appear more brutal and degenerate. Their leader Kahvi, is the embodiment of barbarianism.

There are several underlying themes within the ElfQuest comic too. As I mentioned before, humanity itself plays a large role as aggressor in the beginning of the story, though later there are a few sections where we are given a chance to redeem ourselves. You could also interpret the differences in the four elf tribes as showing that healthy individuals and societies must be willing to accept change, as well as take advantage of it, for the betterment of all. For example, the more sympathetic elf communities, the Wolfriders and the Sun Folk, are the ones most willing to change their ways in the face of different circumstances and opportunities. By contrast, the less sympathetic elves, the Gliders and the Go-Backs, are depicted as belonging to highly conservative cultures: the Gliders are obsessed with preserving their society from outside contamination, and the Go-backs are determined to return to an earlier ideal represented by the Palace, ancestral home to all the elves. However, in their fanatic conservatism, both the Gliders and the Go-backs have in fact changed even more than the sympathetic tribes, but in far less beneficial ways, whether it be the Gliders' barren decadence or the Go-backs' warlike savagery.

Book 2: The Quest Begins (My favorite cover)

Interestingly, almost all of the elfin cultures are led by females: the Sun Villagers follow Savah, the Go-Backs follow Kahvi, the Gliders follow Winnowill (even with Lord Voll is the figurehead), and the Wolfriders follow a shared chieftainship between Cutter and his lifemate.The feminine-as-preferable is a subtle but consistent theme throughout.

Sexuality is explored though out the comic, but I feel that it's used mainly as a device to illustrate the alien-ness of the elves from us. There are some explicit scenes later in the series that may not be appropriate for a younger audience. I don't want go to far down the road with this, but I didn't want to leave it out either and have you be surprised if you decide to read the comic.

The Wolfrider's Symbol

All in all, the story is very well written and an amazing read. The examination of society and civilization as a whole is very interesting. The characters are thoroughly thought out and each have their own distinct personality and expectations of themselves and the world around them. There is plenty of fighting and violence if you're into that, but also lots of peaceful negotiations and adventure if you're not. ElfQuest has some of the best villains and leaders I have seen in any literature - equal parts terrifying and awesome. Though it's kind of hard to get a hold of now, it's worth the time to track it down.

Alchemedia : The Authority (quicky)

Hello, Alchemilla here. I just got home from a long long weekend trip, so this one isn't going to be long, but I'd like to take this moment to direct you to a comic that I marathon'd during the car ride home.

The Authority is published by DC and started life in 1999 under the Wildstorm imprint. The creators previously worked on another book, Stormwatch, and some of the characters from that book have come back as a part of this one.


The story follows a newly created super hero team who decide that working for one government, or even the UN is a mistake, and make themselves into the ultimate authority of the planet. Unlike a lot of superheros, they make the point not to just fight the superbad de jour, but also take it upon themselves to solve some of the more human-created problems, such as dictators and terrorists and social injustice.

The books (or at least the first 4 trades) follow their accent into global heroes, and then examines the lifestyle changes and the hubris that they suffer when they become impossible to oppose, and then their downfall when someone who is powerful enough to oppose them appears.

The artwork is fantastic, and the writing is clear and easy to follow.

The story, though, is where you'll be blown away. The script is clever, and there were lots of points that I laughed out loud. It's also very violent, but not in a boring for-it's-own-sake kind of way. The characters are likeable and unpredictable.

All in all, I highly suggest you pick up a trade of this comic. And, thanks again, Kspaz!

Soccer Sequel

Okay so this is just going to be soccer related news, that I couldn't squeeze in with my last article. So if you don't care for soccer ignore this one and I'll get it out of my system...maybe.

First off Paul the octopus...remember him, the octopus who picked 8 World Cup matches and went 8 for 8. Then died months later. Well the aquarium where he lived has made a momunment and urn for him. I don't know what really to say about this, this story started weird and just got weirder. Way to go Paul, your sure to be the most famous Octopus, pretty much ever.

St. Pauli is in the news again. This time for their goalie, 24 year old Thomas Kessler. He works as a custodian in the off season, but is St. Pauli's new starting goalie. He works and resides in Koln and will get to play his hometown next week on Saturday.

Also if you are looking for international soccer there is the Asian Cup going on the next couple days sorry I was late to report this, there are only 4 matches left Uzbekistan vs Australia and South Korea vs Japan. Winners go on to the final, losers play for 3rd place. And the champions go on to the Confederation's Cup in 2013. What's that...maybe you'll find out next week.

The two semi-final games will be on Tuesday at 7:25am (South Korea vs Japan) and 10:25am (Uzbekistan vs Australia).

But the real reason I mention the Asian Cup (besides name dropping the Confederation's Cup) is that the entire Axis of Evil was in one group of the Asian cup. I know it's not exactly topical, but Iran, Iraq, North Korea (and the United Arab Emirates) were all in one group meaning that two of these teams had to get through. In a way I guess this shows the way the world changes, this would have been a silly talking point a couple years back. I mean the US government almost wouldn't let Cuba participate in the World Baseball Classic a few years back, but this didn't even get a bit of air time. Or it could just be that most Americans don't give a penalty kick about soccer.

Batman: The Cult (there are spoilers inside, but trust me, you dont want to read it anyway.)

So I just finished reading Batman: The Cult. I picked it up at the garage sale a few months ago and never got around to reading it. It is a 4 book mini series. (and I mean very mini, all 4 books put together would make a small trade paperback.) Anyway, So I was reading it to clear my mind and take a break from my school work...it was a mistake. 

    I have read some bad batman comics in my time, but this is definitely in the top 10 worst batman comics I've ever read. (which is ironic because it is voted one of the top ten best Batman comics of all time by IGN or something.) I admit, it was...interesting to see such a different side to Batman, and I can respect trying to convey that-but WHEW- I had to fan out the room cause of this stinker! Batman gets captured and brainwashed by a cult-thats all you really need to know as far as plot goes. But within the first few pages, Batman has just killed an innocent person with a machine gun-yes folks, I typed that correctly. Batman kills a dude with a machine gun. Now, we all know that back in the day batman used guns, even if it was just a few comics, but that was a big deal. In many of those stories, that was the major point. Not so in this case. The amount of plot holes is astounding, along with the amount of stuff that could have proven important, but just didn't bother being written into the story. There was also a large amount of news reporters that helped the story along. Though they didnt so much as help the story along as they bored us with narration and given information that could have been displayed in far more interesting ways through interaction with the actual characters. 
   
     Now the plot is one of the weaker ones I've seen, as far as Graphic Novels go. Batman gets kidnapped by a cult on his rounds and is starved, beaten, and fed miniscule amounts of food laced with some psyco-halucinogenic drug that opens you up to suggestion. Cool, now I know what to expect when I get kidnapped by Scientoligists, but seriously, this goes on for the entire first book. I get that it is important and the whole point of the story, but could we make it a bit more interesting. I mean, we barely got to see Batman struggle with his mind and try to overcome this whole process. It was like: 
"Batman, believe in me, I'm your new God!"
"No, no i wont believe!" 
"Believe, Batman."
"Okay".
The whole point of the mini series is that someone finally broke Batman, great, but can't we make it a little bit more dramatic, Batman just seemed to kind of sit back and take it, so to speak. And even after he gets out of the sewers where the cult is hiding, it takes another 55 pages before he even thinks about going back! The Batman portrayed in this comic is flat, weak, and whiney. He actually tries to escape Gotham! 

    The second thing that annoyed me most about the plot is that there was no ending! I understand the endings that are not really endings, I get that. But in this comic, there was a huge build up of "this guy broke batman and he kills innocent people, he needs to be either brought to justice, or have some horrid fatal accident." so naturally I'm expecting a big ending and picturing this huge battle where they fight and get bloodied up and bones are broken, and they do, for about two pages. The writer then decided that "this is to predictable-so were just gonna take this little train off the tracks and go in a completely different direction." A direction, that of course, does not make any sense what so ever. It was an ending that did not justify all the pain that Batman went through, and did not bring across any sense of justice. The cult leader ended up getting attacked by his followers, who, we are only left to assume, ripped him to shreds. Batman simply walks away from the arena where this is taking place and heads home. Great! so the police don't get to help capture him, he isn't going to be prosecuted for his crimes, and Batman only gets in a few punches on the guy? Yea, this was a very poor ending. It kind of reminds me of the puzzles on swing sets for 5 year olds, you know, where you spin the column and match up the monkey head to the monkey body and monkey feet. Problem is the writer matched up the monkey head and monkey body with the picture of the clown feet. Yes, technically it is possible, and it is an option, but that doesn't make it a good choice.

   My other major issue with this series is, yup-you guessed it, Jason Todd. This series is voted as one of his best appearances, that's a real shame. It's not because I find him annoying, childish and dumb;because he is, but he bitch-slapped one of the bad guys! Really, Jason!? Really!!? Batman has taught you countless martial arts, fighting styles, weapons finesse, you went through near impossible training, but the best you can do when someone tries to punch Batman, is to slap the guy?!!! You...he...but...and...I just don't know what to say anymore.

I would rank this up there with Frank Miller's Dark Knight Returns. Most DEFINITELY a DONT READ!

A Geeks Guide to Sports: Champions/Europa League

My announcements on Thursday were supposed to be today's post, but oh well. So today I'll be talking about two league that I touched on briefly last week. Champions League and Europa League.

These are the two biggest yearly international club tournaments. Meaning they are contested by the city level clubs not the national teams of the countries. So how do teams qualify for this and who decides how many teams from which countries get in? That is an excellent question...or questions really.

Who decides how many teams come from each country? Well there's a complex formula called the coefficent ranking, which takes into account how well your league does in international play over the last 5 years. Germany recently moved ahead of Italy in the ranking so in the 2012-13 season Germany will get an extra Champions League spot. Also due to this you may actually find yourself cheering for your teams rivals so that your league will get more spots and your team will have an easier time entering the tournaments.

How does your team get in? By winning, really that's an over simplification, but (taking Germany as our example) getting 1st or 2nd place in the Bundesliga will get you into the group stages of the tournament. Getting 3rd place will get you into the 4th qualifying round of the Champions League (the one right before the group stage). (If a team is knocked out of the 4th round of the Champions League or gets 3rd in the Group stage they get sent over to Europa League.) Getting 4th or 5th in the Bundesliga or winning the DFB Cup (remember that one 64 team knockout tournament?) will get you into Europa League. Winning 4th or the DFB cup get you in at the 4th round where as 5th place gets in at the 3rd round. Yes, I know how confusing all this is. Here's the current standing in the Bundesliga so you can see who would be going where next year if the season ended today.



These two tournaments actually run most of the year. This years edition actually started in 29th June (for Champions League) and the 1st of July (for Europa). They will end on 18th of May (for Europa), and the 28th of May (for Champions League). What's more is there is actually a version in North America (I just found out last night about this.) So if you ever wondered how any of the other sports could organize something like this, there's a nice template.

Also the winners of the Champions League and the Europa League play each other in a game called the Super Cup. Thanks to this it is actually possible for one of the teams from the lowest levels of play to actually beat the champions of all of Europe. I don't think this has happened but some real underdogs break through sometimes and cause all sorts of trouble in the tournaments. In fact my other Bundesliga team Hannover 96 did this in the 1992 DFB cup before entering the Bundesliga in 2002.

Flick Picks, Episode Three

Hello, fellow Streakers! Boog here with the third entry into the weekly adventure that is Flick Picks. This week, other posters gave me accidental inspiration. With Ginger's bit about anime, especially her first foray being Akira (sorry about that, again. I've since learned there are better ways to introduce people to Japanese culture), and Anacronus' take on new indie games following retro themes, got me thinking about old loves of mine, particularly:
spaghetti westerns, kung fu flicks, and Quentin Tarantino. So I found a film I remembered that had all three, and had a very small run here theatrically, so I may actually be the first one to clue some of you in to this film. Here comes...

Sukiyaki Western Django.

First, if you hate Tarantino, you can watch this, he only acts in this film, no director or producer credit. Second, if you hate watching subtitles for Japanese films, you can watch this, because the cast, despite being almost entirely Japanese natives, speaks English, although heavily accented. Third, if you hate Westerns, well, you may not like this movie. Oh, and SPOILERS!

This film has a weird backstory, some of which I must explain before I get into the film itself. The major point here, is that the director of the film had a very specific aesthetic and form he wanted, and the film's name explains a lot of it. Sukiyaki is a common noodle dish native to Japan, so Sukiyaki in this case translates to "Spaghetti". This film is a remake of a Spaghetti Western, known as Django, released in 1966. The part that gets confusing, is that Django itself is almost entirely a remake of a better spaghetti western, Sergio Leone's A Fistful of Dollars, released 4 years prior. Dollars, in comparison, while a gem of the spaghetti western genre, is a blatant retelling of another Japanese film, Akira Kurosawa's samurai epic Yojimbo, released the year before. But all of that goes hand in hand with a 12th century Japanese military epic, The Tale of the Heike, which is the tale that even Yojimbo is partly based on.

Whew. That was a bit of a trip, huh? It was also probably for most of you, boring and unnecessary. However, without all that in mind, this film becomes a weird almost spoof of the entire western genre, instead of the bloody, homage ridden tale of revenge, betrayal, and greed it really is. First, the visuals. The aesthetic can throw you off, as parts of the film are intentionally done with poor effects, like backgrounds that are obvious matte paintings, and gunshot wounds that are far too large to be believable. This looks especially heinous considering some of the beautiful effect shots later in the film. But when taken together, they help craft a strange world, at once alien, but familiar, with tokens of Shakespeare, Italy, Nevada, Akira(sorry Ginger), and Westerns and Samurai moves, of which everything I've linked above is directly referenced, or is a part of the overall plot.

The music is well done, but rather spartan, as most of the film is mostly scored by one singular trumpet, in a recurring theme reminiscent of Ennio Morricone's work on Leone's westerns, like Dollars. There are other tracks, and they are more of the variety one would find in other films from Director Takaishi Miike's repertoire, such as the main film he's known for to western audiences, 2001's Ichi the Killer, small tracks with strong rhythms from ethnic instruments, and a strong guitar-fueled rock number to play out the final showdown.

The Plot here, well, to be honest, it has been done before, a lot. It has also likely been done better before, and will probably be done better in the future. But it is a classic plot structure, told well, with new twists for western audiences in the historical context, providing ample characters to play with, and it is a story that the film absolutely revels in, in parts serious, playful, cruel, angry, sorrowful, and poignant. There are also around four subplots going on here, most of them small, and all of them familiar to diehard fans of Westerns, or of Japanese cinema. Their familiarity doesn't detract from the main plot, instead they work with the visuals and music to help ground the overall film experience into something thoroughly enjoyable.

Now, about the characters. This is really an ensemble piece, with about seven different characters who are central to the plot, or subplots, of the film. There are a few other notable performances and actors here, and I'll try my best to hit them all. First, for my own pleasure, Tarantino, here playing a bit part to open and close the film, a father figure in the art of killing with a gun. He knows what he needed to do to get the part across, and does no more than is needed. A no frills performance, which here is complimentary. The main antagonists, heads of their respective clans, the Genji and Heike, are played by Yusuke Iseya, and Koichi Sato, respectively. Both are great performances, bringing very different things to the table, Yusuke playing an agile swordsman, brash and confident, with a singular focus on what he wants for his world, and himself. Koichi, in turn, comes off as more of a thug, less intelligent, and tough, but overall disinterested in the world outside of his hatred for the Genji clan. The nameless protagonist here is played by Hideaki Ito, and played well. Confident and angry, he shows himself off as the badass he is supposed to be, in a way that would probably make Eastwood proud. Speaking of badassery, one must speak of Ruriko, aka "Bloody Benten", played by Kaori Momoi, who most readers here may recognize, as she was in 2005's Memoir of a Geisha, as the mother of the main character. Here she plays a aging woman, one who holds many secrets, the least of which is her ability with a gun. Resigned to fate, yet strong and determined, she comes off quite well as a badass to equal the protagonist, and in some ways, better him.

There are two other notable characters, the town's Sheriff, played by Teruyuki Kagawa, is a spineless, double-talking, coward of a man, whose bout with madness comes off as the main comic relief, played almost like a reference to Gollum from The Lord of the Rings. Then there is Shizuka, a bar dancer played by Yoshino Kimura, who in a way is a parallel in Ruriko in the film. She is focused on revenge for the death of her husband, forsaking all else, even her own child, mirroring the determination of the film's antagonists, and coming off as a sad end of a cruel feud.
Also notable is a bit part in the character of Benkei, played by Takaaki Ishibashi, who is really the only other Japanese actor in the film besides Momoi who has been in a film widely released to American audiences, in this case, Major League II, and Major League: Back to the Minors. For those of you who remember when Charlie Sheen was relevant enough to merit leading man casting in a comedy, congratulations, take a shot.

So, in closing, overall, this film is fast-paced, wild fun, with an emphasis on violence and blood. A strong, familiar plot, with strong characters, good, if spartan music, great, heavily accented dialogue, and enough guns, swords and bullets to supply a year's worth of weapon shows. Heavily recommended, especially for those who love Westerns, or Japanese films, or both.

A quick note

We've had some strange issues with our auto-post system. So I'm going to give you a quick update.

When I was in the Army I worked for an awesome boss named Captain Kuzenka. Well he got out shortly after I did. And he must have changed his name because he goes by Michael Kuzenka. But that's not the point. The point is that he is involved with a company that is making a movie...A Deadpool Movie. Yeah your ears perked up at that. It's not the Deadpool movie.

But I do have some production photos to share, oh and you should visit the production companies' facebook page. Antiquity Films is supposed to let us know when the film is finished. I'm told they will be done shooting soon.

Our 2nd point of news is that we have a secret agent who is going to PAX. This agent will be sending back photos and articles about what's going on in the seamy underbelly of the clandestine meeting known as Penny Arcade Expo.

Games You Should Know About... XBOX Live Indie Games

While I may be old school, it doesn't mean I don't enjoy some of the more modern video games.  However, I'm not like everyone else who lauds every first-person shooter that comes out on the market (though I do like certain FPS games) or these new generation JRPGs that are heavy on flashy graphics and light on gameplay, story, and interesting characters.  I like games that, somehow, slip under the radar - games that don't sell as well as the crap that gets shoved in your face.  These are games you should know about... but probably don't.

If there is ever a treacherous minefield of gaming, it would be in independent games.  A lot of fun games are released, every month, by independent game studios.  But these games float in the sea of gaming with the flotsam and jetsam of crappy indie games.  Probably, the best example of this can be found on XBOX Live.  Sure, there are some really lame-ass XBOX Live Indie Games (if you can even call some of them games), but there are some diamonds in the rough that deserve some recognition.

Today, I'm actually going to marry my two loves: Classic gaming with sleeper hits.  These four games take the graphics, sound, and/or gameplay of old school games and create some enjoyable games.  The best part: these games only cost $3 each, so there's no excuse for you cheap bastards out there to pick these up.

First, let's take a look at a classic game style with a fresh coat of paint.  If you've ever played arcade games such as Robotron 2084 or Smash TV, then you're familiar with the two joystick run 'n' gun style of gameplay.  If you consider yourself a fan of these games, then I definitely recommend you check out Dragon Divide's Alpha Squad.  It takes place in a dystopian future where gangs of hockey masked hooligans and soldiers of a unified, totalitarian world government rule the streets.  You play as a member of Alpha Squad, an elite mercenary group who has been targeted by this government and are out for revenge.  You start out on a world map with one mission available, but can select other stages across the globe as you progress.  Gameplay is very reminiscent of Smash TV (which is good), with visuals that remind me a lot of the PS1 game Loaded, complete with buckets of blood splattering on the streets.  Power ups are gained via a weapons shop in the pause menu, using the gold and silver from fallen enemies to purchase new weapons and health packs.

One of the nice things about Alpha Squad is the talent involved in the game.  The music was done by Stemage, who did the awesome Metroid Metal.  The character artwork, including all the hot, busty women, was done by the talented and prolific GENZOMAN, who has worked with UDON Entertainment, and contributed artwork for the Facebook game Castle Age, and for collectible card games, such as Universal Fighting System, World of Warcraft, and Legend of the Five Rings.

This game is not without some issues.  The difficulty in some of the levels is unbalanced, requiring you to spend lots of your hard-earned gold on room clearing nuke bombs.  There's also bugs that have been known to crash the game, sending you back to the dashboard.  Dragon Divide has been made aware of these issues and are working on them (one of the crappy things Microsoft does to indie developers is that they only allow them to update a game once in a seven day period).  Still, even with those issues, you're getting more than your three dollars worth.



Our next game is from Ancient Corp, a Japanese company co-founded by Yuzo Koshiro, a video game composer famous for his awesome soundtracks to classic games like Ys I & II, the Streets of Rage series, the Actraiser series, The Revenge of Shinobi, Beyond Oasis, and the Etrian Odyssey series (another Games You Should Know About entry).  Protect Me Knight is a loving throwback to old Famicom/NES games.  Even the start of the title screen has you "blowing on a Famicom-esque cartridge" to get the game working.  The game merges old school video game action with a tower defense mechanic to help players protect a princess they've rescued from waves of attacking monsters as the heroes try to get her home.  Gameplay is what you'd expect from a classic NES title: simple, but fun and challenging.  As you defeat more monsters, the princess gives your heroes "heart points" which you can use to upgrade your character between levels.  For being a NES type game, the game actually looks and sounds really good.  The ending is pretty cute too (you'll just have to beat it yourselves to find out).  Trust me, you, and any three friends you may have, will have lots of fun with this title.  Pick it up, now.  Also, check out the website for the game, both the English and Japanese language sections, as they have content that look like NES and Famicom ads, respectively.



Speaking of merging classic gameplay with tower defense mechanics, MagicalTimeBean created a series of games that everyone should get.  In Soulcaster, you play a wizard who has to go through areas, fighting (you guessed it) waves of enemies.  The catch is that your wizard can't, normally, attack these beasts.  Fortunately, you can find the souls of three legendary heroes: an archer, a fighter, and an alchemist.  Your sorcery allows you to summon them, on command, to fight for you.  It definitely is a simple, but ingenious mechanic that makes for a great game.  The graphics and sound feel like a game from the Super Nintendo library and both are really good.  If, however, you're not simply satisfied with only one Soulcaster game, MagicalTimeBean made a sequel.  Simply called Soulcaster II, your wizard continues his adventures with his immortal warriors through dangerous dungeons.  The sequel doesn't try to reinvent the formula.  It just offers gamers more of the same great gameplay that you got from the first one.  Both of these games have "future classic" written all over them and should be in any classic gamer's collection.



Finally, let's end on something a bit more... quirky.  If you like a classic RPG with a sense of humor, then you should drop 240 Microsoft Points on Zeboyd Games' Cthulhu Saves the World.  If you're wondering if the game's premise is just as ridiculous as the title, then the answer's "yes."  You, of course, play as Cthulhu, high priest of the Great Old Ones who was about to resurrect the dead city of R'lyeh from its watery grave and bring destruction to the Earth when some douchebag took away all of Cthulhu's dark, cosmic powers.  According to the game's narrator, who is just as much a character in this game, the only way Cthulhu can regain his power is by doing something highly uncharacteristic of him: becoming a great hero.  It is this epic and unlikely quest that forces the dread demigod of the deep to fight euclidean monsters, delve into cyclopean dungeons, and ally with some bizarre individuals.  The entire look and feel reminds me of the old RPG Maker programs and the music is good, too.  If you do like classic JRPGs, get this one.  Hell, if you really like the game, then you should check out Zeboyd's other RPG, Breath of Death VII, which is only $1.



Remember, these games are only available for download on XBOX 360, so don't get your hopes up if you don't own one.  If you do, then any of these games are worthy of your time and the small amount of money they're asking for.  Don't just take my word for it, though.  Each of these games have demos you can download and see for yourself.  Definitely support these titles, so that we may see other projects from these companies.