Alchememories : You Don't Know Jack!

As you will soon discover.

DELAYED VERY EXTRA SPECIAL VALENTINE'S DAY EPISODE!

Hi, Alchemilla here, and as today is Valentine's Day*, I'm going to talk a little about what my lovely husband, Anacronus, gave me as a valentine.

You may remember a little computer game that came out in 1995, called You Don't Know Jack. If you don't, let me fill you in. You Don't Know Jack (or, YDKJ) is a game show style game that combines traditional trivia with questions about pop culture and tricky mind bender type questions, all brought to you by a snarky host who takes great pleasure in making fun of you.

YDKJ originally came out in '95, but the games I'm most familiar with are Vol. 3 (released in '97) and The Ride (release in '98). My brother and I played endless hours of YDKJ on our first family computer; letting Cookie (the host) harass us and call us names. And it was glorious!

I was lucky enough to find a copy of YDKJ 3 for sale at my local Goodwill. You bet your butt that I picked that up. And, yes, it runs quite well on current editions of Windows.

YDKJ is formatted for quick game play. On the titles I mentioned above and the PS1 game (that Anacronus had), you could choose to play a 7 question or a 21 question game, both of which went quick. The questions are mostly multiple choice questions, and are often worded misleadingly, making it even more difficult to choose the correct answer within the short timer.

You are also given screws, which you can use to literally screw your fellow players - in 3, it just made them answer the question, but in The Ride, you'd pound on the S key of your keyboard to shoot screws at the screen, usually making the question unreadable, just to make your fellow players hate you a little more.

In addition to the basic questions, there were other types of questions sprinkled in. There is "Dis or Dat" in which you are given words or short phrases, and you have to indicate weather they are "dis" or "dat". For example, you may have to determine if the words provided are brands of adult diapers or names of bunny ranches in Nevada. (Yes, this is an actual example!) There are also Fill in the Blank questions (hard for me because spelling counts), Gibberish Questions, and my favorite, Impossible questions, which are basically questions about stuff that probably .0001% of the population would know.

Finally, the last question is always the Jack Attack- all the players are given the chance to buzz in matching 2 words or phrases together that make sense within the clue given. This is the best chance you have of pulling out a late game victory, or, if you're like me, getting twitchy and really screwing yourself by hitting wrong answers.

The trivia is fun, but what really makes YDKJ is the extra stuff. Every question has a jingle based on it's number, which are real earworms that'll stick with you forever. The hosts are acerbic gold, and there are commercials that play after the show is over that will have you rolling.

You may, at this point, be asking yourself what the heck computer games from the '90s have to do with this Valentine's Day.

Well, I'm happy to tell you, dear reader, that you no longer have to scour your local Goodwill for copies of these games. Yes, you can pick up the NEWEST YDKJ game on your favorite gaming console as of last week! Just in time for a (very) last minute gift for your own sweetie!

The new game has all of the awesome stuff I mentioned above (accept Fill in the Blank, yay!) plus all new jokes and references, including but not limited to: Facebook jokes, Jersey Shore mocking, Twitter references, and Slap Chop/Shammwow related questions! Plus, my very favorite host from the old games, Cookie, has graced us with his presence.

They haven't updated much anything other than the script, which, admittedly, is just what I wanted. The graphics for the old games were very very basic- just white text on a black screen. The new game keeps this clean aesthetic. The writing is as funny as ever, and the commercials do not disappoint. They've also added new stuff, like the "Wrong Answer of the Day" which, if you can find, will net you extra cash.

If you are at all interested (and you should be, plebe) you can  find more info and fun at www.youdontknowjack.com/.

*I was sick last week, and was unable to edit/post this, sorry about that!