Hello Again, Streakers! Boog here, with part two of a four part review series, focusing on horror film company Full Moon Entertainment. From 2006, we go back to 1990, and one of Full Moon's first feature films,
Meridian. Also called Kiss of the Beast. Warning: The trailer link, while not showing any naughty bits, still features nudity, as the film has a good amount of nudity in it. Also, SPOILERS! Now, I must say, as someone who has seen a few Full Moon features, I will admit that there is only one of the four films I'm reviewing for this series that I have seen previously (Demonic Toys), and that one I watched once about 6 years ago. This film, is far better than most Full Moon pictures, as it has somewhat decent acting talent, a great locale, and some decent behind the camera work, especially in the music department. However, this also one of the deplorable films I have ever had the displeasure of watching. Seriously. This film, based on one scene, made me want to actually hurt something. Then, this film had the balls to try and make that scene a freaking plot point.
Okay, so the film opens on cheesy mid 80s black title cards with a white font out of every other movie from that era with a budget of more than $5, intercut with some closeups of some kinda creepy statues, the last couple of which get glowing eyes for no real reason, as they are never actually relevant, or even brought up. Then we get a kinda trippy slow motion sequence of a bunch of circus sideshow folk parading one at a time from a backlit giant stone mouth. We don't get any context for this for about 25 minutes. Of an 82 minute movie. What does happen for that 25 minutes? Well, first we get a young boy child taking a painting to a church, leaving as a donation from some lady from a nearby castle. This is done primarily to cement the fact that this film takes place in Italy. The priest at first dismisses it as worthless, but one of the other people in the church notes that the frame is very old, and so there should be an equally old painting underneath the rather crappy pastoral landscape it currently houses. The priest then takes the painting to a restoration facility, where we get introduced to a side character, Gina. She, being an American just out of college, is of course the best restoration talent this firm has, as is told to get that particular painting done that weekend. It's implied that this conversation is occurring on a Thursday or Friday, and the restoration has to be done by Monday, so that the painting can be presented to a visiting cardinal as part of a church restoration. Apparently a 400 year old painting can be restored over a weekend. Well, that doesn't matter, as Gina takes a day off anyway to visit her friend, Catherine, the main character.
Catherine, as it turns out, has just returned to Italy, having been away for 10 years, to take control of, and now care for, her family inheritance: a freaking CASTLE. When Catherine arrives, she is greeted my Martha, her old nanny, and apparently the only help that stayed after Catherine's father died. We get some boring talk from the two, then Gina arrives. We get some more boring talk, and then, we get the context for the opening, as Gina notices a traveling circus troupe has set up shop on the grounds outside, and coerces Catherine into going. Along the way the two get a slight character development talk, as they walk through an Italian landmark know as Bomarzo Monster Park, a really interesting site, with all kinds of weird statues of monsters and mythological creatures. They even try to give it a backstory, claiming a legend of a wizard that once roamed the grounds and turned all his enemies to stone, displaying them there as proof of his power. Seriously, if all Full Moon films managed to pull off even half of the atmosphere that
Meridian has brings to the table, I wouldn't hate this film house as much as I do. The two women get eventually get to the performance, where we see the circus troupe that slow-mo-ed into the movie including Phil Fondacaro again, this time wearing a ridiculous 16th century-esque bard getup and cracking a whip about three times to big for him. We also get to a magician, whose name we don't learn quite yet. Gina gets picked from the crowd as a volunteer, gets knives thrown at her, and the show ends. As everyone is dispersing, Gina convinces Catherine to go inside, moving the plot along. The girls talk with the magician, who seems rather interested in Catherine, as it is revealed to him that she is now the lady of the castle, and Gina moves the plot along again by inviting the magician and his troupe to dinner.
We immediately cut to the dinner party, where the group of carnies eats with just about as much manners as you'd expect. Martha excuses herself for the evening, and then comes the the thing I hate most in this movie. After Martha leaves, the magician has Fondacaro's character drug the wine, so that we can nude scenes, damn near soft core porn scenes, with both of the women via DATE RAPE. Now, let me say this. I am a redblooded straight male. Nudity in films I don't see as a bad thing. Done right it can even add to a film without being trashy. That said, date rape is just about the most deplorable, stupid, and downright transparent reasonings behind a nude scene I could ever think of. That's not the worst thing about this film though. During the nude scene, the magician, having practically smacked Catherine damn near unconscious, leaves the room, and turns her over to a robed, masked figure we have seen before among the carnies, as a wielder of a crossbow. The mask comes off, revealing the robed figure as a twin for the magician. This twin, now with Catherine, turns into a large, hairy creature in the middle of the scene, even comically screaming as he, well, does his thing. The two women wake up afterward, nor remembering anything about what happened, and Gina leaves, for the rest of the of the film. Seriously. She does nothing else for the rest of the movie. Oh, wait, she does have 5 seconds of screen business during the climax. But that's it. The rest of the film becomes a slow, plodding, melodramatic mess, as we learn the names of the twins, both evil and good (Laurence and Oliver. I'm not kidding), and the fact that they have been alive for hundreds of years, as part of a gypsy curse placed on the castle, and a curse placed upon the pair of them, that turns Oliver into the 'Beast' every time 'he loves', and that to break the curse on the pair, one of them has to be killed by a loved one. Oliver, due to guilt at not having prevented Laurence from killing previous 'Ladies of the Castle', always tries to get the current Lady to fall in love with him so she can kill him, because he is an idiot and a complete wuss, as evidenced by the fact that apparently every attempt to woo the current lady of house begins with the thrice-damned DATE RAPE plan. Laurence, in turn, attempts to rape Catherine twice more during the film's runtime, and admits during the films climax that he kills every woman Oliver falls in love with, in front of him, because Oliver won't try to stop him, because Laurence is apparently the world's largest Douchebag wrapped in candy coated Asshole. Most of the time before the climax, when Catherine isn't almost getting raped by Laurence, is devoted to Oliver and Catherine talking. Well, mostly Oliver deliver the previously mentioned exposition, and Catherine telling him to fuck off. Until she decides she loves him. Which occurs after an EXTREMELY awkward clothed sex scene between Catherine and Oliver in Beast mode, which is awkward mainly because it occurs after an attempted rape by Laurence. The only other thing that happens in during this time is one of the few things I really like about the movie.
Catherine, for the most part, is freaking nuts during the middle third of the film, having visions of a dead girl, visions of the dead girl and the creature, fainting without provocation, and randomly putting on old jewelry and dresses for no reason. At one point during all this, she finds out that the painting Gina was restoring came from her castle. She tries to find Martha to ask her about it, but finds that all the furniture in Martha's room has been covered with dust blankets. Catherine eventually makes her way to the church, where the priest thanks her for the painting, and explains the best, and most unexpected, twist in the movie: Martha herself has been dead for six months. Now, this opens up a crapload of plotholes, but I do applaud this film for taking an unexpected turn, that thanks to the performances of Catherine and Martha, add some touching moments for both characters, and some character development, and in the end, enriches the film a but with its inclusion. The climax is boring and predictable, with Catherine being tricked by Laurence, and a showdown between Laurence and Oliver ending with Oliver killing Laurence, ending the curse on the pair, and somehow ending the curse on the castle as well. Overall, this film is okay, with decent performances, good music(for the era), some decent effects, the standout being the creature suit, and a completely bat-shit insane story that derails the whole damn thing into a deplorable mess. If you ever find your self traveling, try to avoid crossing too many
Meridians.
Hello Again, Streakers! Boog here, with part two of a four part review series, focusing on horror film company Full Moon Entertainment. From 2006, we go back to 1990, and one of Full Moon's first feature films, Meridian. Also called Kiss of the Beast. Warning: The trailer link, while not showing any naughty bits, still features nudity, as the film has a good amount of nudity in it. Also, SPOILERS! Now, I must say, as someone who has seen a few Full Moon features, I will admit that there is only one of the four films I'm reviewing for this series that I have seen previously (Demonic Toys), and that one I watched once about 6 years ago. This film, is far better than most Full Moon pictures, as it has somewhat decent acting talent, a great locale, and some decent behind the camera work, especially in the music department. However, this also one of the deplorable films I have ever had the displeasure of watching. Seriously. This film, based on one scene, made me want to actually hurt something. Then, this film had the balls to try and make that scene a freaking plot point.
Okay, so the film opens on cheesy mid 80s black title cards with a white font out of every other movie from that era with a budget of more than $5, intercut with some closeups of some kinda creepy statues, the last couple of which get glowing eyes for no real reason, as they are never actually relevant, or even brought up. Then we get a kinda trippy slow motion sequence of a bunch of circus sideshow folk parading one at a time from a backlit giant stone mouth. We don't get any context for this for about 25 minutes. Of an 82 minute movie. What does happen for that 25 minutes? Well, first we get a young boy child taking a painting to a church, leaving as a donation from some lady from a nearby castle. This is done primarily to cement the fact that this film takes place in Italy. The priest at first dismisses it as worthless, but one of the other people in the church notes that the frame is very old, and so there should be an equally old painting underneath the rather crappy pastoral landscape it currently houses. The priest then takes the painting to a restoration facility, where we get introduced to a side character, Gina. She, being an American just out of college, is of course the best restoration talent this firm has, as is told to get that particular painting done that weekend. It's implied that this conversation is occurring on a Thursday or Friday, and the restoration has to be done by Monday, so that the painting can be presented to a visiting cardinal as part of a church restoration. Apparently a 400 year old painting can be restored over a weekend. Well, that doesn't matter, as Gina takes a day off anyway to visit her friend, Catherine, the main character. 
Catherine, as it turns out, has just returned to Italy, having been away for 10 years, to take control of, and now care for, her family inheritance: a freaking CASTLE. When Catherine arrives, she is greeted my Martha, her old nanny, and apparently the only help that stayed after Catherine's father died. We get some boring talk from the two, then Gina arrives. We get some more boring talk, and then, we get the context for the opening, as Gina notices a traveling circus troupe has set up shop on the grounds outside, and coerces Catherine into going. Along the way the two get a slight character development talk, as they walk through an Italian landmark know as Bomarzo Monster Park, a really interesting site, with all kinds of weird statues of monsters and mythological creatures. They even try to give it a backstory, claiming a legend of a wizard that once roamed the grounds and turned all his enemies to stone, displaying them there as proof of his power. Seriously, if all Full Moon films managed to pull off even half of the atmosphere that Meridian has brings to the table, I wouldn't hate this film house as much as I do. The two women get eventually get to the performance, where we see the circus troupe that slow-mo-ed into the movie including Phil Fondacaro again, this time wearing a ridiculous 16th century-esque bard getup and cracking a whip about three times to big for him. We also get to a magician, whose name we don't learn quite yet. Gina gets picked from the crowd as a volunteer, gets knives thrown at her, and the show ends. As everyone is dispersing, Gina convinces Catherine to go inside, moving the plot along. The girls talk with the magician, who seems rather interested in Catherine, as it is revealed to him that she is now the lady of the castle, and Gina moves the plot along again by inviting the magician and his troupe to dinner.
Great post! Great review!
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