Flicks Picks 26: Demonic Toys

This poster, genuinely scares me.

Hello, Streaker! Boog here, with part four of four film reviews from Full Moon Entertainment, and therefore, from Charles Band. This time I bring you Demonic Toys, released in 1992. It's one of Full Moon's most well known works, and, along with their Puppet Master films, are one of the reasons this film company is still around. Now, Here comes the SPOLIERS warning: this review contains some plot of the aforementioned film, and a disturbing amount of personal honesty. Now, on to the review.
First, however, I should tell you something. Pediophobia. It is, in layman's terms, the fear of dolls. In fact, the fear of anything that 'falsely resembles or represents life', such as mannequins, baby dolls, even robots and/or action figures and Barbie dolls, to an extent. You see, I have this phobia. And while I CAN logically disconnect from action figures, and any toy from a cartoon, as they don't represent anything 'real', mannequins creep me out, and I ABSOLUTELY cannot be in the same room with even one porcelain doll without creating a mental checklist of all exits, and all possible human shields I can use to make my escape. I tell you this, so that you can know that when I call this movie scary, it is because I honestly find the concept of random generic toys like teddy bears and jack-in-the-boxes coming to life to eat my face off not only terrifying, but possible, despite all logic.

WHY? It's scary enough, why does it need a rattle?

There. Enjoy my nightmares. Now, this film is surprising. Not in that has any real twists, because it doesn't, but it that, now hear me out, except for the premise of how the Demonic presence animating the toys got to where the film takes place, the movie isn't all that bad. First, the main character is played by Tracy Scroggins, who had a stint in Babylon 5, and is for the most part here doing her damnedest to pull off a Linda Hamilton impression, ala Terminator. The rest of the cast is okay, and the script, while nothing to write home about(HA!), has two interesting things going for it. One, the script was written in 8 days, based off of a promotional poster. All things considered, I think that a script got done at ALL under those conditions is amazing. Second, the script for this film was written by David S. Goyer. Yes, as in the David S. Goyer who wrote all three Blade films, directed Blade: Trinity, and then followed that up by following some guy named Nolan around, I think to write some scripts about some dude who dresses up in a bat costume. (Note: /sarcasm) So yeah, had to do it in 8 days, off of a poster. Yeah, therefore, some of the dialogue is godawful, and cliched. But, some of the dialogue is pretty good, even funny, at times, and the main character is at least decently written for once.

I'd say kill it with fire, but this was after fire was tried.

Now, on to the effects. Here is where this film actually polishes up a bit. Full Moon has always been known for films with miniature killers, and this film is one of the reason why. The various effect levels are off putting at first, as this film has two kinda obvious hand puppets, (jack-in-the-box, teddy bear), but then also has animatronics (baby doll, robot), and even some damn good stop motion (toy soldier, letter blocks), but, the hand puppets are well made, the animatronics are good, and, as stated previously, the stop motion is really good. The effects budget in this film is one of the reasons it shall always remain nightmare fuel for me. Now, on to the bad parts of the film. First, we have to believe that a police department would allow partners to be, well 'partners'. You see, Scoggins and her partner, who are now going to be called Fucknuts and Hooch, are so bad at showing us they're cops I didn't figure it out until Hooch (scroggins), said 'You have your piece right?' Which was about, a minute and a half into their conversation. Oh, and Hooch mentions she's pregnant, and Fucknuts is the father. So, Fucknuts and Hooch are in this dark alley as part of a sting operation (a sting involving ONLY Fucknuts and Hooch, no other other officers, or dispatchers, or really any law enforcement of any kind) to catch some gun smugglers. And by gun smugglers, I mean two. Driving a crappy car, and dealing from the trunk. FNuts pulls his gun prematurely, and shoots Gun Runner A, wounding him, but then gets shot by Lincoln, aka Gun Runner B, which kills him. Poor FNuts. We shall miss you. Hooch overacts like hell, then gives chase as GRB runs off, with GRA following.
Eventually Hooch catches GRB, and cuffs him. GRA, having avoided being seen, manages to crawl off to some dark corner, only to find that it contains some kind of evil energy, using his blood to fuel dark magic, animating four toys (well, five, but we'll get to that) that promptly kill him. Poor Gun Runner A. Oh well. Hooch and GRB get locked in the room they're in as the door gets slammed shut by some unseen force. We then get introduced to Charnetski, who, if you haven't seen a film like this before, I'll rename for you, as Comic Relief Dead Meat, or Fat Guy. Fat Guy, while watching TV (looped footage of a single kill from Puppet Master 2, another Full Moon release), and reading a porn mag, calls up the local chicken joint to order some food, where we get introduced to out hero, kind of, in the form of the delivery boy. Delivery Boy shows up, and thanks to his penchant for loud rock music, doesn't hear Hooch screaming at him merely a floor above. He gives Fat Guy his food, and they talk for awhile, until Hooch gets mad at GRB during an argument and shoots at the ceiling multiple times, bringing Fat Guy and Delivery Boy to their rescue. Here is where the film really begins, as everything up to this point has been setup for 'locked/trapped' horror scenario about to begin. Fat Guy, having served his purpose in bring Delivery Boy to Hooch, goes of to die-I mean, phone for back up for Hooch from his office. While watching at the door, Delivery Boy sees a teddy bear ambush Fat Guy by hitting him in the knees with a baseball bat, a baby doll grab Fat Guy's gun off the floor and shoot him in the knee, and then watch the bear and the jack-in-the-box chew on his face and choke him while the baby dolls stabs him repeatedly in the crotch. Poor Fat Guy. Hooch, having not seen the carnage, doesn't believe the title of the movie is real until the REG pops in from an air conditioning duct, prompting stop motion letter blocks that have a short conversation with the group, kinda like a Ouija Board. Oh, what's REG mean? It stands for Random Exposition Goblin, an ancillary character that only exists to explain or reiterate plot points until they are no longer needed. In this case, nailing the point home that the toys are, in fact, alive, and demonic. Hooch, after a quick talk with Delivery Boy, decides the best course of action is to send the Boy and the REG through the A/C ducts to Fat Guy's office, not to call for backup, but to open the freight door Delivery Boy used to bring the Chicken Mobile in, so they can escape.
While in the vents, the REG explains that, along with the toys, there is this small group of hallucinations that manifest as women, on trikes, wearing gas masks, that act like a kind of patrol for the killer toys. Having now explained everything her character was written to explain, they get attacked, and chased into Fat Guy's office, where we see that all the equipment has been destroyed, making it impossible to leave. Delivery Boy gets a shotgun, and the REG is stabbed in the eye repeatedly by the baby doll, killing her. Poor REG. While this is going on, we find out why the REG isn't psychic, which they usually are in horror films. Hooch, while watching the cuffed GRB, gets pulled into a hallucinatory landscape by the true evil of the film, the demon animating the toys, who takes the form of a small boy. This same small boy would eventually be cast as the leader of the titular children for Children of The Corn 3, so he can act somewhat creepy. You see, it is now the demon's turn to do some explaining. He tells Hooch that he has been waiting in this warehouse for 66 years for something to come along and free him. You see, 66 years ago, he tried to be born in the flesh, cause hell on earth, but failed, the body being stillborn. The old couple running the smallest satanic cult ever then foisted off the stillborn child on the first group of trick-or-treaters to come by it was Halloween, of course), claiming it was better than candy, and spouting some shit that should have gotten them arrested, regardless of the decade. The kids, all apparently homeless despite their costumes, decide to open their loot at an construction site, whereupon, finding the dead baby, they throw it away from them, where it falls in a shallow hole. That is the explanation as to why the demonic presence is here, and these toy are alive. Because now, the toys need to kill all the people but Hooch, as since she's pregnant, the demon will use the power he gains from the victim's blood to 'hijack' the baby's soul, thus being born in already formed baby, rather than trying from scratch like last time. Hooch wakes up from the exposition to find GRB attacking Delivery Boy, so she shoots him in the head. Poor GRB. Then some other stuff happens, including the Teddy Bear growing to human size, and nearly killing Delivery Boy (Twice), Hooch and Boy going on a toy killing spree and Hooch being saved from the demon by a toy soldier while Delivery Boy kills the Teddy Bear with the Chicken Moblie. You see, in an somewhat predictable, but still interesting twist, the spirit of Hooch's unborn child, not wanting his mother to be hurt, hitched a ride on the demonic energy to animate the toy soldier, biding his time until he strike when the demon least expected it. Thus ends this movie, and man am I thankful for it. While there are some good, even great things here, the overall execution is still kinda poor, and rather rushed. So, in closing, never play with Demonic Toys.